Este es mi presente

Yo sólo quiero no sentir más dolor. Yo sólo lo quiero poder seguir adelante sin preocuparme en el porvenir. Solo quiero que el mundo se detenga para poder sentir nada mas que paz y quietud.

Que difícil es estar atrapado en un cuerpo más que decadente. Existe una gran frustración en todo mi ser por no poder hacer Las cosas que antes hacía. Ni si quiera subirme en una escalera para poner un simple foco. Mucho menos poder ayudar a la persona de las que más quiero para retirar un par de cablecitos de su marcianito!

Esta inactividad esta consumiendo mi trabajo, mis amistades, mis relaciones, no me deja valorar lo que vale y me hace tomar malas decisiones. En una sola frase, se esta consumiendo mi vida.

Existe demasido dolor corporal y emocional en mi pecho que no sabe como librarse de él. Sólo quiero un coma, es decir una pausa, un momento en el cual no sienta nada, no piense nada, no pase nada.

Deseo recuperar el que antes fui. El que no necesitaba probarse a si mismo que era capaz de muchas cosas, porque sabia de mis capacidades. Ese que había aprendido a ser mejor. Ese que se construyo con tropiezos pero tuvo una suave mano que lo tomaba y lo sacaba del lodo, lo limpiaba y lo ayudaba a ser cada dia una mejor persona, un mejor hombre.

Quiero poder tomar buenas decisiones. Deseo ser cada dia mejor. Pero en la actualidad esta frustración me está deteniendo. No pienso, no porque no quiera, sino que la frustración se niega a ir.

Me que transformado en una persona dependiente, no por que quiera, jamás he querido ser una carga para nadie, pero tengo que aceptar mis discapacidades. Ahora tengo que aceptar que mi cuerpo esta deteriorado, que jamás volveré a practicar ningún tipo de deporte físico, que no podré volver a meterme en los lugares mas reconditos de un auto para hacer o deshacer una simple conexión.

Esto que soy ahora siempre fue mi peor pesadilla. Convertirme en una persona sedentaria. Y me lastima mas ver gente que puede hacer todo y de todo pero son incluso mas sedentarios que yo. Me lastima ver esa perdida de potencial físico. Me tortura saber que aunque pueden no lo hacen.

Por todo ésto, siempre que me preguntan como me siento, la respuesta es simple: estoy bien, estoy "paxandola", por aqui, por ahi. Cuando la verdad de todo, porque en algun momento hay que aceptarlo: no, definitivamente no estoy bien. Estoy muy mal de hecho: con mucho dolor corporal, con mucha frustración, con dolor emocional. Porque no solo he perdido movilidad, sino también gente a mi alrededor, gente muy importante.

Por tanto, no me queda más que resignarme. Resignarme al dolor. Resignarme a necesitar otras operaciones, que pueden dejar mejor, igual o incluso peor. Resignarme a que el tiempo pueda sanar mis heridas y las que he causado. Resignarme a que lo que ya no tenga puede que ya nunca regresará. Resignarme a perder lo que es valioso por razones que no son validas.

Esté es el qie soy ahora, este día, este presiso instante: soy un perdedor.

There...

There is a moment for everything is said when people want to cheer you up. They are wrong, though; there is no way they can make you feel better because there is only one way.

There is a moment when you take a decision, but many times you fail and fail again breaking yourself al what is worse, you breaks someone who does not deserve any bad.

There are many people like me that cannot show de least of inside, and there is a moment, just a second, when a tear might come out, but your stupidity block everything from coming out.

There is anyone asking how you feel, but you always change topic, or just say "I am ok, and you" even though there is nothing true about it, I do not ever feel good anymore: there is always pain in, or outside, or even in and outside.

There is when you just wanna be six fit under or when you ask Him to take you higher; you just want to get better on any way, but you are not strong enough.

Ayer

Ayer me embriague de soledad, llenando mi corazón de tristeza hasta el borde. Tanto dolor reunido, dolor interno y externo que se concentra y quema.

Ayer el dolor de mi cuerpo se cayo y soló se mostró el dolor de mi alma. Tantas cosas embotelladas dentro de mi cuerpo y mente que presionaba todas las partes de mi cuerpo.

Ayer mis ojos no aguantaron más y soltaron toda la presión que mi pecho tenia. Todo por causa de un cerebro que no piensa y trata de mandar un corazón.

Ayer mi cuerpo cayo rendido; cansado de tanto explotar por los ojos. Exhausto de revolcarme en mi pena de perder una de las mejores cosas que Dios me había ofrecido.

Ayer mi ultimo suspiro de fe me obligó a rogarle a Dios de rodillas y hasta postrado. Pidiendo sabe que es lo que Él quiere de mi, pero solamente encontré mas preguntas.

Literalmente todo esto me sucedió ayer.

Desperate

There are so many forms of being a walking death, but the worse is when you finally lose one of the most important things you have in life: Your Partner.

It feels like dying. Chest is competly compressed. Everything is blurry in your head. It feels like drawing. Everything becomes so dark thay you cannot see a way out.

When someone has changed, from thinking of no having any important feeling like not having a heart, but some patient force slowly and softly drives that thought to actually believing to have a heart and listening it valling for this special person.

It feels like abdicating. It feels like dying. It just feels like your chest will explode in any moment. Then, that is the worst kind of deayh. A living death walking.

It does not work trying to put your decision away because everythin, every moment makes you remember you are just sunk in you own disaster. Nothing is going to help you out of there when you lose that last hrain of hope.

Defectos

Amar con defectos solo es el resultado de la decision de Dios por preferirnos aunado con la decision o sentimiento que un ser humano tan imperfecto puede demostrar.

El ser humano no tiene tanto poder o claridad para demostrar lo que en realidad puede sentir o decidir en ciertos momentos de su propia vida, por lo qie lo unico que queda es simplemente hacer o demostrar lo minimo que se pueda para simplemente salir adelante.

Existen diferentes razones por Las cuales uno decide no exponerse, y mas que todo es simplemente el temor de perder lo poco que se ha logrado.

Pero a veces ese poco es mas de lo que uno podria pensar y es entonces cuando de verdad se pierde todo, y es mi experiencia peronal quien lo de muestra.

Porque perderlo todo no es mas que UN tambaleo cuando sabes que tu error no ha sido simplemente malo, a diferencia que cuando sabes que cada paso es simultaneamente es equivocado.

Entonces y solo entonces te das cuenta que hay diferencias entre tu yo personal y tu yo interior.

Giving Up

Time has come where there is nothing less. There is no more or almost ran out of the matters in life: love, hope, faith. Reahing the lowest point in life.

Shure people give "advice," offer "help," or "understanding;" they do not get the least idea of the kind of frustation life without love, hope, and faith becomes.

When human reflects become fully painful as just not to let fall a pen meaning a sort of movement which has an echo bouncing in so many muscles and mones.

When becoming so psicotic that every single moment could become just a pain in the ass literally talking. There is when the time become to give up.

I have given up all that, no more love -I set you free-; no more hope -leaving the household-; no more faith -leaving church besides-. Then there is no more that loneliness, hopeless, hell.

It has been done, and so be it.

Futuro

El futuro es una receta incierta porque se va cocinando con los isumos que van surgiendo. Se hace el esfuerzo de hacer una comida saludable, pero de vez en cuando los ingredientes no convinan adecuadamente y el sabor no es agradable.

Siempre queremos tener un futuro feliz. La realidad es que no existe un futuro feliz, pero te puedes asegurar de mantener un presente agradable. Altos y bajos encontraras a cada paso, dificil momentos en los que querras reventar todo lo que se te ponga enfrente, y sera bueno.

Todo sera bueno porque lo malo solo viene del exterior; de ese exterior que no tiene mucho que ofrecer, mas que ironia. Tanta ironia que te ofusca de lo bueno cubriendote los ojos del alma y solo dejandote los ojos que mas engañan, esos que tienen pupilas, cornea, iris y necesitan descanso por la noche.

Luego se reacciona, se deduce, intuitivamente, que han habido tantos momentos en los que deberias haber hecho algo diferente; pero aduces dos de las mas importantes realidades: secundariamente, el deberia/hubiera definitivamente no existen! Y principalmente, cada uno de esos pasos se han recorrido tienen tanto como alegrias, cicatrices e historia son los que nos han formado y han escrito la perfecta sinfonia de la vida.

Esa sinfonia perfecta que tiene graves momentos, pero tambien neutros y agudisimos momentos.  Por esos momentos completos que reunen los tres en un solo son tan deliciosamente confabulado que simplemente te dejan atonito.

Por todo eso es que el futuro no existe, solo existe el presente!

La grandiosidad del español

Porque antes que todo hay nada, porque en español no existen mil y una manera de decir una sola cosa, sino un sin fin. Porque este post podría ser el mas corto dudosamente hablando pero intrepidamente podria significar una cantidad exorbitante de posibilidades: dos simples pueden ser, aunque no realmente lo sea: o escribire mas post en español, o hay algo importante que decir. Es aqui donde lo exorbitante se hace un sin fin y lo corto se combierte en importante!

Normal Life

There are some certain things I am not able to do. My brain runs, my idess run, but my body won't run. There is a serius gap between my mind and my doing; a war between willingness and careless.

Many years ago, there was a quiet boy who could be anything. Wisely, he had chosen the path of his life that the gap would never be such a big deal. There were many issues, though, as peopke mocking on him abou the special needs this boy had.

Pasing the time through, he became a man, a man who could not ever be the best on anything. He always had some certain situations which made him unable to follow all of his goals.

He alwas wanted to have a nornal life to be happy. Normal life never appeared, though. There were to many healthy issues that pulled him back all the time, so he was unable to fulfill his nor anyone else's normality.

He was asked for many of people, some of his best friends incluve, to act normal, to bereave normal, to go out normal, to chase his dreams normal, to get a normal family. There are no such reson to ask for normality to some people ho have born with defects in the body.

Therefor, NO! I am certainly not normal, and I will not act like that. If people wants something normal, they better go away because there is nothing normal here!

Blind

People says love is blind, but it thepends of themselves, or yourself I might say. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. Surely, there are a huge difference yet not on the way people may think.

If you feel love; then, for sure you are blid. Feel comes from past expererience. If it is good you like it, if it is bad you dislike it. If there is a mixture, you might end up hating.

On the other hand, if you choose loce, you are wise. valuing not what have happened before, but also valuing what it could get to be. Certainly, this is not easy, and it can be a complete mess and neurons burn; it will completely worth it for the choice you take: love or give it up.

Yet there is a must: choices never should take while angry as never shall promise while happy. For sure I can tell you, and for expirience, I have taken wrong decisions and made and broke some promises.

In brief, love is mental such comes from brain, not from heart that a blood pump. Nervous can also trik  you, it can make your heart bit faster, feel butterflies in your stomach. So, you just have to choose, and remember: there are no wrong choices due to we choose the best option acording to the information we have.

Anxiety

There are certain moments world just mock on your face. You just need a pause, but it spin even faster. Then, dizziness comes striking your face, pushing your back, crushing your spirit.

There are certain moments you see a light at the end of the tunnel, yet it is not the exit but a huge locomotor runig over your guts. So, instead of succeeding, you just get lower and lower.

There are certain moments you feel so tired that you could get to your bed and fall asleep. Suddenly, you are in your bed and sleep is the least you are able to.

There are certain moments your eyes are burning from inside out. You can close them, but there is noothing else than sourness ripping your brain apart.

There are no other way out; there are no much trust; there are no racional thoughts: the only answer you find is to send the damn world and everything and everyone to hell!!!

This is the racional description of Anxiety.

No More Tears

There a limit on every person, some place they reach where there is nothing else but themselves. People there will not be hable to feel pain, nor pitty, not even hunger. It will be nothing else than energy.

Then, all they need is nothing. They will want nothimg. They will wait nothing. Some people reach this place after death, some other get them on ahead.

It is as simple as the body screams to shut down, while the mind still asking for just one more steep. And afterwars, the body moves, even when it does not understand if it is pain what is felt, or something else.

What is felt? what is this? what is left? So many questions, so few understandable. There is really a chest pressure in here or something else?Are legs still responsive or are already walking the extra mille?

The eyes are unable to cry, are them out of tears? Or they are just confused about what they feel? Is it fear? or Is it the absence of fear? Is it too bright? Or is it too dark?

There is only one truth, but hard to accept: THERE ARE NO WRONG CHOICES, WE ALL MAKE CHOICES ON THE INFORMATION WE HAVE; THEREFORE, WE ONLI HAVE CHOSEN THE BEST CHOICE WITH THE FEW INFORMATION WE GOT.

The hardest part is to live with the outcomes!

Relationships

Relations ships end by different meanings, most of the are truly unreliable. Prior you end one, ask your self or your partner this. . .

If you are not willing to rip off your past, why should I be willing to have a future with you?

How is the right: 'in good and bad, in health and illness, in rich or poor' or 'in good and not that good, in health and not that good, in rich and not that good'?

If you are in a rush, I am the worst you can find: I do not have mayor goals in short terms.

Where were you when I needed you the most?

No one receives what does not deserve! As God do not

Who ends a relation due to delete from any social network (bbm, fb, twitter, . . .)?

Who needs a reason to love? The one who does not try to make the partner better!

Relationships are not a game, and they are not simple. No body should menace your partner with "if you (dont)do...I will end this relationship."

In brief:
Never take a decision while angry, and never make premises while happy!

Pain

Pain has been around me long enough. I am doing my best to get rid of it, but any effort become nothing. Surgery was meant to destroy all pain, but there is "surgical pain" which, certainly is different, is pain after all. True, there are diferent kinds of pain, as there are different levels of pain.

Cathegorizing pain is not a as simple as grading how much it hurts and where it hurts. This is difficult due to some times, pain hides and remains quiet, and some people would say pain at that specific moment is cero. But sudently, it shows up burning from inside out.

Pain has been my friend, it has been around me even when there are no people caring. Just like last day. I wished I had someone close, but everyone has to do something else to do, and the least I want is people feeling just sorry. I would rather  be alone.

I understant all of you have things more important to do, and I am glad you are not suffering, and I ask God not to give you any suffering, so each one will be happy. I set you free to be happy and to choose the way you wish to walk on.

With love and pain,

Back and Forward

This is weird and understandable. It has been a very hard time, and we do not want to lose control. We start to open up, but there is a point where we get scared again, and close down as soon as possible. I am wide open for you. You are trying to open a bit for me. I still think we will succeed!

Everything is kind of tight, but I am working and giving my best for you. This is going to be step by step, but please, do not get too scared. Let's stop reviewing our wounds. Let me soften your pain. You will realize it is going to be just fine.

We made a step last night, even though you tried to step back, I know we are going forward. Let's stop talking about our mistakes, and let's focus on the way to be closer. We can make it!

Nowhere-land

There are several thought about my life that makes me think I am on the wrong place every day, every minute. Nothing is happening the way it should. Pain is always present, I do not know if I am failing blocking it, or it is already to hi to be able to block it. Certainly, I have too much time open minded, and there are too many thoughts either new or either re-taken. This is not just what I feel or think, this is who I am, or should I say "where I am."

Actually, Where I am is not the question but where I am? I can not find a place to call it home, since there is not such a thing like a real family. I have relatives. Every one of them has their own world, and there is only a circumstantial meet on some time. After that, no one knows what is going on around neighbor worlds because they are completely away.

A couple of times, I found illusions about getting my own family, but it did not go further than an illusion. Once, I did my best to plan The Family, My Family. Worse thing ever. I should have never planned due to I knew from the beginning of the times, not any of my plans, not even the least, really turned true. I still made The Plan. It was mistaken. It was messed up. It ended even quicker that it took to be planned.

So, I ended up on Nowhere-land. The place I always tried to run out from is the place where I always come back. It is like going in circles, but never reached out. This is the place where even when you do your best, never is enough. This is where you think you can be better, but you keep falling even deeper. It makes you feel you do not even deserve more than your own pity, never ask for someone else's pity.

Yes, it is all my fault, thinking I could be different, better maybe, but no; not a chance. I always have been here in Nowhere. I dreamed I was out, it turned into nightmare when I realized not even in my dreams I could be better. And I ended right where I started. Should I stop looking? Should I stop willing? Should I stop talking to myself? Even though, there is no one else to talk.

Nowhere, Nowhere, Nowhere... any times I can repeat the same, never will change its meaning: Nowhere.

To whom it might concern

Today is not a good day, neither a bad day; it's just a day. Today, I am tired, tired of pain-which always is there- tired of not having my special person close to me-which I really miss- tired of having no value-which makes me feel less-

I have friends, many of them have been on my happy moments, but I did not want to bother any of them with my worse moments. This is not about me being weak, it is because there is a saying "Real friends are those that in good moments you call, but in bad ones, they come by themselves"

I am working on my life to get it to work as it should, I do apologize due to my dumb thoughts. There is not a excuse, but truly I was really down. I am still so down, yet I am trying my best to do anything to get better, hopefully I will.

God bless you always!

Broken . . .

I have nothing left in my heart because there is no heart anymore. I gave it to the most special person, but I did too much wrong that I broke her heart, but I did not realized I was broken my heart as well. I never meant to be mean, I never wanted to lose her; I just was not thinking.

Now, I do not want to know about any other girl, I am not interested in anyone else. I Just want my true love back. I feel I am a failure because I failed on her, the most important person in my world. Now, I just want the earth to swallow me, not to see her sad eyes again.

I do not want to be without her. I want my moon face back. I am just lonely, so damn lonely that no body will understand how I feel, not even her, the most beautiful girl. I want to go to sleep, and never get up, until this nightmare ends. But this is not going to end if I have not back what is my true love.

I love you, Pao!

Smile!

I swear I will smile!

I will smile, even if I am in pain.
I will smile, even if I have broken my heart.
I will smile, even if there hare people mocking on me.
I will smile, even if you walk away.
I will smile, even if you never come back.
I will smile, even if I lose all my friends.
I will smile, even if I can not walk.
I will smile, even if I am alone.
I will smile, even if my wallet is empty.
I will smile, even if I have nothing in my belly.
I will smile, even if there are very few moments of life remaining.
I will smile, even if you do not care about this post.
I will smile, even if I have lost faith.
I will smile, even if there is not hope.
I will smile, even if I am happy.
I will smile, even if I am sad.
I will smile, even if you come back.
I will smile, even if no body cares.

Though, I am tired of everything, then I have ripped the last piece of my heart, and I have shaped it like a smile; which I will put on, so no one can realize what is really happening because I do not want anybody to know me too much: That could really hurt me back again and again.

Silent

The time has come. I will be here, waiting. I will remain silent, but I will not give up. I just do not want to bother you again. This is my way to tell what I feel even if you do not care. I will not leave even if you are gone.

I can not go on, and it is not because I can not, this is just I do not walk alone. Certainly, I do not want to walk alone, but that does not mean I will walk with someone else. I will be here for you.

It seems you are gone, but I will not give up. I let you go because I what to think you just need sometime, with pain in my broken heart I set you free, if you come back, you might have always been mine as I have been always yours; if do not come back, you had never been mine even if I have been always yours.

I just will remain silent, I will be here, I will just be here!

Blowing Up

This was not meant to be, but now here I am. Wondering if there is a chance to make it better, to fix what is broken, to live. I am not worthy at all, surely I know. I am the least person on this world. I am nothing else than crap.

I am so full of crap that I am almost blowing up, and it is going to take all my inside out. There, suddenly, will not be any more soul, nor heart, nor sigh, neither breath. I have nothing left.

I have not strength, I have not value, and I have not spirit anymore. Since I am alone, I have not appetite even when I am starving, I have not sleep even when I am tired, I have not happiness even with God by my side.

I know this is not as this was meant to be, but as usual, all I planned, nothing becomes true. I planned my whole life, and it just blew up. I planned my decisions, and my feelings blew up. I planned so many things, but every one of them have blew up as I step forward, or backward, or any side.

I am just about to blow up. My heart is about to blow up. My chest is about to blow up. I just want to go to my surgery, so God might take all my pain away. Because I am tired, I can not go on. I am done!

Breaking Into a Million of Pieces

I needed to find something that could make my day brighter since the moon hides not to see me nor my pain. Therefore, I found some poem, that I want to try on because my heart is no longer needed for anyone . . .

A Letter to God Regarding My Heart - A Poem by Nochance

Dear God,
Here is my heart, I've broken it.

You see I tried to fix it as best I could, but it keeps falling apart.

I shared it with my friends, I gave them each a piece
Everything was fine, until the pieces they held began to break
Some of them were lost, some thrown away, A few of the pieces remained intact, treasured by my friends, But more still were breaking every day.

Pieces were returned to me, the carrier with tear stained eyes "I don't know what happened" they would say I would take back the piece, knowing we would never be the same.

I tried to reconstruct my heart, using anything I could
Band-aids, gauze, tape, ribbon, glue; nothing held and I cried.

As I put the pieces together the cracks spread; I didn't know what to do, I didn't want the broken bits to break the rest, so I'm giving it back to you God, I'm giving you my heart, I know you can fix it, you are the one who created it, I'm not asking you to make it new, I'm merely asking you to make it whole.

The cracks will help me remember all the pain I've gone through, the glue holding it together will make those breaks stronger, and it won't break in the same place again.

It was such a pretty heart, you made it oh so well, I wish I hadn't broken it, but the breaks are part of life, for an unbroken heart has never lived, has never loved; So will you protect my heart, keep it safe for me?

And when the cracks appear, will you fix them, patch them, I would be so grateful, it's so hard to heal a heart that is your own. I'll be back for it someday, when I can find the one who will care for it as you do.

I thank you God, for everything you've done, for hearing my plea, and restoring my heart.

Forever Yours,
- A broken-heart-holder (this is added by me)


P.S.
Thanks Nochance, I could not make it any better.
http://nochance.hubpages.com/

Walking Death

I now come from the deepest part of the world, where no body have ever been. I went because I want my soul to come back to me, but still I could not find it. I gave my soul, my heart, my life, my everything; yet it was not enough. I had to lose my life, and that was not even close to enough.

There is no heartbeat inside, or is that there was not any from the beginning? someone told me I had a heart, deep inside of my chest. I was not sure to believe, but I trusted. Now, I do not know if I lost it, or it never existed. But for sure I can tell, there is not going to be me again. Not the me I was, nor the me I became.

Is it that not a single person gets me? Is it that no body really cares? Is it that I am not worthy at all? Is it that my questions are wrong? Is it that I am looking for answers at the wrong place? Is it that I am nothing more than a worm?

I have to give up, but I can not give up at the same time. I know that she does not see any valuable good on or in me, or that is what looks like. People does not understand my feelings. This is like death walking instead of me trying to get up!

I hope this little piece of what someone told me was a heart last long enough because my soul, my life, and my everything can not hold themselves all together.

sometime

Sometime ago it was really nice to look at you and see your shiny smile. Some time ago I enjoyed the glen on your eyes. Sometime ago I felt it was all ok.

Sometime ago we started to hide in ourselves. Sometime ago it was not what we wanted.

Sometime ago communication got lost because we did not want to argue nor understand each other. Sometime ago I stopped saying what bothered me due to you came up with you sword and your shield, so I did not end up sliced. Sometime ago I bottled everything in, so you would not be bothered with my thoughts.

Sometime ago it started to sink, but neither of us where able to work for it. Sometime ago it blew up out minds putting everything up-side-down, putting us against each other.

Sometime ago I starter to write my thoughts and showing them there. But today, today I will not publish anything, even though, you will not realize what is going on, since no one sees or reads any of this because no body seems to care about my mind.

Worthiness

I am the least. I am the last. I am the only one guilty. Even though I an tired, I am still trying to be there. I just feel how my dream fades away. I just do not want to know it is over, I just want you here.

What is worth or not? All is about who, what, where, when, why; but there are no answers. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. All I can see at this moment is no more than a blind full mist.

My heart is just stopping beating since I can not handle you anymore. I have not much to offer because everything I had I have lost. I am not strong, just tough; which is completely different.

I can not sleep anymore, I can not eat anymore, I can not bear with it anymore, and I can not have control anymore. I wish I could, but I am unsuccessful. No matter how hard I try, it is not fruitful.

I will not say good bye, I will not say what I have changed, I will not say if I am better or worse, and I will not tell anything more; but this is not because I do not want, this is because my strength has been gone.

I am just a withered tomb, a walking death, anything that is there but is no one there, just an empty chest, just an empty soul, just an empty mind.

I am just ME, so if anybody asks me how am I? The answer is pretty simple " I just am!"

Last Time

There was a time when everything worked as going down-hill. Some times there were some troubles, but we tried to overpass them, and we succeed. Today, everything is just the way it was prior, it has gotten some years, but it remains the same.

The sky continues being blue, the stars are still blinking, the face moon still shines. The only difference is that all of them just look towards a different side. My path has been broken, and it is full of up-and-downs; I even could say there are more downs than ups.

The face of the moon does not look at me anymore. Those two special stars I used to enjoy are gone too far. And the sky is just getting darker and darker. I have tried to run as fast as I can so I could be close enough not to lose the last sunshine, but I am not so good at it.

Each thing is going further and further, and my stone heart is getting heavier and heavier than I cannot continue running, I cannot even walk fast enough to reach its side, not even its back, and I am getting lost in the mist of my desperate thoughts.

It seems this is the time, it seems there is nothing left, and it seems that my time is over; but I do not want to give this up, yet I have tried, and it seems there is not any other way to escape.