Blowing Up

This was not meant to be, but now here I am. Wondering if there is a chance to make it better, to fix what is broken, to live. I am not worthy at all, surely I know. I am the least person on this world. I am nothing else than crap.

I am so full of crap that I am almost blowing up, and it is going to take all my inside out. There, suddenly, will not be any more soul, nor heart, nor sigh, neither breath. I have nothing left.

I have not strength, I have not value, and I have not spirit anymore. Since I am alone, I have not appetite even when I am starving, I have not sleep even when I am tired, I have not happiness even with God by my side.

I know this is not as this was meant to be, but as usual, all I planned, nothing becomes true. I planned my whole life, and it just blew up. I planned my decisions, and my feelings blew up. I planned so many things, but every one of them have blew up as I step forward, or backward, or any side.

I am just about to blow up. My heart is about to blow up. My chest is about to blow up. I just want to go to my surgery, so God might take all my pain away. Because I am tired, I can not go on. I am done!