Nobody

I am nobody. I just come and go. I want to stop, but there is no one. Why should I stop then? There is no reason. I have to keep going, I need to keep going. I cannot. I just cannot. I am nobody. I tried to break it apart. I tried to throw it down. I tried to  run away. Nothing seems to work. I am nobody. I tried so many ways to leave you. I am broken. I broke myself. I am trying to put away this fad. I am nobody. I am tired. I would like to give up. I am not that tough. I am not powerful at all. I am not even me. I am nobody. I cannot break down. I am a rock. I cannot even let a tear go. I am a sponge. I am drown. Tears have drowned me from inside to outside, but they do not come out. I am nobody. There is not a single person around me. There are just people. If I am absent, they do not care. If I am present, they care even less. I am nobody.

Loneliness effect

There are many people around, some are good friends, some are just people I know. People who are not close to me might think I am "ok." For those who are friends, might think I have some issues, but my only problem is about how often change my mood. Those how are close friends know that I have loneliness issues. But no one of them really know what is this about, I mean, I am able to go through almost any kind of problem and find out a solution. No one knew loneliness is the only problem I can not go through alone. This is not about I want my friends closer and closer. This is about spending time with someone who thinks I am different, I am important, and I am special on a certain way.

Now, I want to cry, and go as far away as I could. I think if I am alone, I can be alone without feeling loneliness, but being alone around my friends and people I know I really feel loneliness on its worse. I was looking for a girlfriend just beacuase I did not want to feel loneliness. I asked a couple of girls that I might feel atracted to, but all of them said no. Everyone had her own reason. They might feel disapointed reading this. They might thought I feel inlove while I just wanted to fill an emptiness. Each one of them has her importance. I did not want to break a heart, I do not think I did. Every one had a different reason: "you are too old" "my family does not want me to have boyfriend yet" "I have a crush on someone else" "we are friends" "you have a son".

I respect their reasons, but sometimes I wanted to punesh them breaking friendship. I realize I could not break our friendship because I never loved them more than just friends, so that will not be fair. I am a fair person, I guess. If this post break hearts or friendships, or It disappoint someone, I understand, but I will not have regrets. I love each one of them as a friend. I am willing to love someone more than just friends, and this is how my story ends.

Nobody

I AM ALRIGHT BEING ALONE!

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End of the post.

Read It Carefully

I never thought someone would break my heart, but I never met this kind of person who just do anything but damage to every people around. No one knows this person as I do. This guy is really an evil, but people around him cannot see him deep inside. I do not even know how he would react on any situation. He is a beast. He is not willing to hurt, but he does because that is the only think he know to do. He pays too much attention on examples, but his cannot copy the goodness, he can copy only the evilness. He is always looking for someone to hurt, but he says he is looking for his soul-mate. Thanks God he can hurt too many people since he is alone the most of the time. He does not want to be alone, but that the only thing he deserves. He is killing himself. He wants to care about people, and he is the greatest actor. For him, there is nothing else that "if someone is around it is ok, if not, hi will not miss this one."

No body know him. No body should love him. No body should care of him. No body should clean his tears. No body should pay attention to him. No body should trust on him. He does not deserve any goodness from anybody at all.

I will tell you his name, and I recommend you to go away from him, not to love him, not to care of him, not to clean his crocodile tears because he will hurt you every time he has the opportunity. I know so many people who can support this thesis, or should I say this "theory"?

Reasons why not to care about him: Alcoholic, Smoker, Lascivious, Careless, Friendless, Loveless, Cold hearted, Frighten, Valueless.

I know him for so long time, and I do not even know him very well. You just get away from him, or at least, do not get close enough, so he will not able to hurt you. He is... he is... nothing else than ME.

I Just Need Her

There is something wrong with me. I want to be a good boy. Is this to ask too much? I am just a child mind in an old body. I have done too wrongness lately. I just want to change my life and make it better. Some times I want to cry, but I just can not. Some times I want to cut myself to see how much it bleeds. Some times I just want a hug, but there is no such a person who thinks I am so special for her. I want a hug, but not a friendly one, I want a lovely one.

I know I do not deserve to be loved because I have not loved deeply before. I feel rounded of loneliness. I have friends, some of them are really good friends. I have God by my side, and He is the only one who supports me everyday for not to pass away. I have common family. Common does not mean normal. we are just better when we are not in touch. There is an empty space. This space is just for her.

She is not coming yet. I have not found her, or she has not found me yet. It might be that it is my fault, so I have not realized she is just here by my side, and I can not see her because I do not think she is the one who I am looking for. If you love me just hug me and kiss me. Let me know you are right here. Do not leave me down, and do not let me fall again.

Money Learning

Money can not buy love, but it can buy people for marriage.

Money can not buy friendship, but it can buy people to hang out with you.

Money can not buy respect, but it can buy people to honor you.

Money can not but  beauty, but it can buy surgeries to make someone beauty.

Money can not buy health, but it can buy doctors.

Money can not buy volunteering, but it can buy people to do whatever anyone wants.

Money can not buy making love, but it can buy sex.

Money can not make an old computer better, but it can buy a better computer

Money can not bake a cake, but it can buy it already baked.

Money can not buy security, but it can buy bodyguards.

Money can not make funny a joke, but it can buy people laughing.

Money can not buy a warm weather, but it can buy a travel ticket to a warm place.

Money can not buy time, but it can buy people to stay long lasting.

Anyway, money is not powerful by itself, it is powerful when it is used to fulfill people's desires.

Finally and the most important, Money can not build happiness, money buys it already well done!!!

This Is Me

Do you want to really know me? Learn from the songs. Each one of the following songs has so much of myself on their lyrics. You just need to pay enough attention to learn the way I am, where I come from, and where I am going. Sorry if I disappoint you on some way.

 

Bandoleros - Don Omar f/ Tego Calderon

Cleaning out my closet - Eminem

Dilemma - Nelly

Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio

Gracias a la vida - Mercedes Sosa

Graduacion (friends for ever) - Vitamin C

I believe I can fly - R. Kelly

Ironic - Alanis Morrissette

Life for rent - Dido

Lo grande que es perdonar - Vico C

Luis - Franco De Vita

Mueren por me - El Cartel de Santa

No basta - Franco De Vita

Procedimiento para llegar a un buen acuerdo - Panda

Perdoname - La Factoria

Ridin' - Chamillionaire

Runaway - Linking Park

Sobreviviendo - Mercedes Sosa

The man who sold the wold

The World's greatest - R. Kelly

till I collapse - Eminem

Vuele Bajo - Facundo Cabral

Voy a pasarmelo bien - Hombres G

What's my age again - Blink-182

With arms wide open - Creed

Just Asking

Is not it funny when you want something with all you strength, but it does not ever happen; then, just when you do not want it anymore, it appears?

Is not it funny when you want to chat with someone who is busy, and you wait for so long; then, when you both start chatting you both get mad because any of you do not understand each other's feeling?

Is not it funny when you try to find the right one, but that person never comes to your life; then, you realize that this person is already in your past? (the second part has not happened to me yet)

Is not it funny when you just want to feel beloved, and loneliness is the only stuff around you; then, you find that there is no one who loves you more than as a friend?

Is not it funny when people around you tell someone you are bad influence, and you just do not care; then, the people who said you are bad influence just need your knowledge?

Is not it funny when you spend so much time on something, and you work on it as hard as possible; then you realize that this time was wasted instead of spent?

Is not it funny when you are starving, and you want your favorite food; then when you get your meal, you do not feel appetite for anything anymore?

Is not it funny when you just want anybody to hug you, and you just smile at someone like asking for it; then, the person goes away without giving you not even a hand shake?

Is not it funny when you feel press on your chest, and you just want someone to caress you; then there is no one who want to caress you making you feel like the least person on earth?

Is not it funny when you read this blog, and you feel sorry for the stuff that have happened to you or feel sorry for the person who wrote this; then, you just want to try give hope yourself or to the person who wrote this?

Once Again

I know there is some time I have not written anything, but as you should know by this time, this blog is just to express myself when I feel down. Hopefully, one day I will write about my happiness instead. When I built this blog I put as a goal to write at least one each month. April has finished, but I did not write anything. I failed one goal, once again.

This time has been tough. People have walked in and out of my life. They came and went, but they have ever left something in my life, even if what they left was pain. This pain reminds me that I not a gold coin to be accepted for every one who knows me.

I might be wrong, and people around me would be just busy (like the song Stan). I just need vacations, not necessarily of studying but for taking a very deep sleep, and when I wake up, everything should be much better.

This is the time to go, to run away. I just would like to be strong enough to do so. SORRY people, I am not that strong. I just can not give up! I will stand up until my body and my soul collapse, but they have to collapse at the same time.

Enjoying the Time with that One

"Wow" is the word I would use to explain how I enjoyed this last weekend. She is someone so much important to me. I thank God I could be there for such a very important day. She was excited, and who would not? I hope to see her more often because she is a very important person in my life since "I am her 'Javy' and she is my 'Paty.'"

I hope the best for her, and I know she does the same for me. This is a endless relation. She is just her, an important person who will support my decision, even if those are not the best way to develop myself. That does not mean she is not going to get mad, or advice me. It is just a clean love from one to another person.

Patita, how awesome you are! I can not express how much you mean for me, even though we are not close that much. I would like to turn the time back and change some stuffs, but I feel these stuffs have made us stronger.

I have never wrote a blog in honor of someone, but every "never" comes true. This is a blog for you my dear Paty. Remember me in your prayers. Happy B-Day, again.

Surrounded by Angels

I have just one regret with myself. Sometimes, my short vision is not only from my eyes. I should look for soul glasses because there are people who think and care of me. They may not be every day with me, but they are still there for me. I just have to be patient and keep my faith. I understand now that I have people who I talk to every day, but they are not close friends. I also realize here are people who I do not talk so often, but they are really close friends. They truth on me, and I do on them. Those are my angels, my guard angels.

I know I am not the best one, but I am on the way. Sometimes I take wrong decisions. I am not the worst because I am walking away from that way when I cam. Sometimes I learn from my mistakes. These make me think: "I am not completely good, I am not completely bad; this is just me" (this came from yin yang, "Nothing is completely good, nothing is completely bad" and I added "Everything depends on the point of view.")

You, angels, have so much importance in my life. You always are teaching me a lot of new stuff and showing me my mistakes. You make changes on me, and thanks you I am growing as a better person. I owe you my life. You taught me you are not going out of my life; I am going too deep inside myself.

Well, actually, I just want to thank you for all you have helped me and I also have a question for you, what does DTB mean?

Learning

I go through the life watching, hearing, and learning. I want to understand everything and everyone. Now, people are giving me so much time to think about how much have I developed while I have walked on this new way. Sometimes I do not understand why they leave me alone, but it might be I need to realize how I am managing my new life. It looks like I have to walk through the worst loneliness I have ever endured.

I do not feel ready to be alone, but I just think about God does not give me a cross I can not go along with. This is the first day of the rest of my life, and I need to PUSH. I do not swear I will not fall, but I do swear I will not give up.

Like the phoenix, rising from the ashes, my soul is rising from this hole, and I will succeed over this new phase of my life. Thanks to people who is getting closer to me, and special thanks to those who left me alone when I most needed them because now I realize I can not put my whole trust over all people.

*PUSH = Pray Until Something Happens

Just the Beginning of the Year

Today is just the newest day. I am not worry about what I have done or I have fail to do because now is not just a new day but a new year also. I want not to worry about my mistakes because I am not alone. I have a guard angel who takes care of my and my actions, even my relations. I just want to feel the heat of my really friends presence. I would not be worthy to have such presence of people who does not care about my past or my future, but they are who make my day brightly.

I am just a human looking for the half of my life, that special person who can guide me through the best way, and I know who would she looks like. If she does not want to take me as her cross is because I am not worthy. She would like me, I would like her; but I am just renewed and she does not realize I am just in front of her. I like you so much!!!!

Dear, My Lil Dear!!! hope you think of me as I do every day!!! enjoy your new year with the people you love, even if I am not in.