No More Tears

There a limit on every person, some place they reach where there is nothing else but themselves. People there will not be hable to feel pain, nor pitty, not even hunger. It will be nothing else than energy.

Then, all they need is nothing. They will want nothimg. They will wait nothing. Some people reach this place after death, some other get them on ahead.

It is as simple as the body screams to shut down, while the mind still asking for just one more steep. And afterwars, the body moves, even when it does not understand if it is pain what is felt, or something else.

What is felt? what is this? what is left? So many questions, so few understandable. There is really a chest pressure in here or something else?Are legs still responsive or are already walking the extra mille?

The eyes are unable to cry, are them out of tears? Or they are just confused about what they feel? Is it fear? or Is it the absence of fear? Is it too bright? Or is it too dark?

There is only one truth, but hard to accept: THERE ARE NO WRONG CHOICES, WE ALL MAKE CHOICES ON THE INFORMATION WE HAVE; THEREFORE, WE ONLI HAVE CHOSEN THE BEST CHOICE WITH THE FEW INFORMATION WE GOT.

The hardest part is to live with the outcomes!

Relationships

Relations ships end by different meanings, most of the are truly unreliable. Prior you end one, ask your self or your partner this. . .

If you are not willing to rip off your past, why should I be willing to have a future with you?

How is the right: 'in good and bad, in health and illness, in rich or poor' or 'in good and not that good, in health and not that good, in rich and not that good'?

If you are in a rush, I am the worst you can find: I do not have mayor goals in short terms.

Where were you when I needed you the most?

No one receives what does not deserve! As God do not

Who ends a relation due to delete from any social network (bbm, fb, twitter, . . .)?

Who needs a reason to love? The one who does not try to make the partner better!

Relationships are not a game, and they are not simple. No body should menace your partner with "if you (dont)do...I will end this relationship."

In brief:
Never take a decision while angry, and never make premises while happy!

Pain

Pain has been around me long enough. I am doing my best to get rid of it, but any effort become nothing. Surgery was meant to destroy all pain, but there is "surgical pain" which, certainly is different, is pain after all. True, there are diferent kinds of pain, as there are different levels of pain.

Cathegorizing pain is not a as simple as grading how much it hurts and where it hurts. This is difficult due to some times, pain hides and remains quiet, and some people would say pain at that specific moment is cero. But sudently, it shows up burning from inside out.

Pain has been my friend, it has been around me even when there are no people caring. Just like last day. I wished I had someone close, but everyone has to do something else to do, and the least I want is people feeling just sorry. I would rather  be alone.

I understant all of you have things more important to do, and I am glad you are not suffering, and I ask God not to give you any suffering, so each one will be happy. I set you free to be happy and to choose the way you wish to walk on.

With love and pain,

Back and Forward

This is weird and understandable. It has been a very hard time, and we do not want to lose control. We start to open up, but there is a point where we get scared again, and close down as soon as possible. I am wide open for you. You are trying to open a bit for me. I still think we will succeed!

Everything is kind of tight, but I am working and giving my best for you. This is going to be step by step, but please, do not get too scared. Let's stop reviewing our wounds. Let me soften your pain. You will realize it is going to be just fine.

We made a step last night, even though you tried to step back, I know we are going forward. Let's stop talking about our mistakes, and let's focus on the way to be closer. We can make it!

Nowhere-land

There are several thought about my life that makes me think I am on the wrong place every day, every minute. Nothing is happening the way it should. Pain is always present, I do not know if I am failing blocking it, or it is already to hi to be able to block it. Certainly, I have too much time open minded, and there are too many thoughts either new or either re-taken. This is not just what I feel or think, this is who I am, or should I say "where I am."

Actually, Where I am is not the question but where I am? I can not find a place to call it home, since there is not such a thing like a real family. I have relatives. Every one of them has their own world, and there is only a circumstantial meet on some time. After that, no one knows what is going on around neighbor worlds because they are completely away.

A couple of times, I found illusions about getting my own family, but it did not go further than an illusion. Once, I did my best to plan The Family, My Family. Worse thing ever. I should have never planned due to I knew from the beginning of the times, not any of my plans, not even the least, really turned true. I still made The Plan. It was mistaken. It was messed up. It ended even quicker that it took to be planned.

So, I ended up on Nowhere-land. The place I always tried to run out from is the place where I always come back. It is like going in circles, but never reached out. This is the place where even when you do your best, never is enough. This is where you think you can be better, but you keep falling even deeper. It makes you feel you do not even deserve more than your own pity, never ask for someone else's pity.

Yes, it is all my fault, thinking I could be different, better maybe, but no; not a chance. I always have been here in Nowhere. I dreamed I was out, it turned into nightmare when I realized not even in my dreams I could be better. And I ended right where I started. Should I stop looking? Should I stop willing? Should I stop talking to myself? Even though, there is no one else to talk.

Nowhere, Nowhere, Nowhere... any times I can repeat the same, never will change its meaning: Nowhere.