Empty Mind

What can I say?  I know there is much time since the last time I have done this, but I thing I can not go further. I have tried to open up my heart. I just found that no one cares enough to look into it, then I realized it is time to give up at once. I have one last question: who was wrong, me or you?

Somebody may say I do not know what I want, the truth is that I really know what I want, but it looks like it is just not going to happen.

It is hard to be me. I am tough but weak when I would rather be strong and pleasant. Believe me when I say "I am not even the shadow of what I used to be." Sometimes, I even thing if what has happened to me is good or bad, but many people would say I am good now.

I have mental problems. I take wrong decisions, but those are not bad because I took the best decision with the information I had by that time. I still make mistakes, yet how can I do not do so if nobody seems to inform me? While someone tell me "I should ask," I will tell this person "have you already asked?"

Well, it is a hard decision, but I need to make it: I GIVE UP ON YOU!

Nobody

I am nobody. I just come and go. I want to stop, but there is no one. Why should I stop then? There is no reason. I have to keep going, I need to keep going. I cannot. I just cannot. I am nobody. I tried to break it apart. I tried to throw it down. I tried to  run away. Nothing seems to work. I am nobody. I tried so many ways to leave you. I am broken. I broke myself. I am trying to put away this fad. I am nobody. I am tired. I would like to give up. I am not that tough. I am not powerful at all. I am not even me. I am nobody. I cannot break down. I am a rock. I cannot even let a tear go. I am a sponge. I am drown. Tears have drowned me from inside to outside, but they do not come out. I am nobody. There is not a single person around me. There are just people. If I am absent, they do not care. If I am present, they care even less. I am nobody.

Loneliness effect

There are many people around, some are good friends, some are just people I know. People who are not close to me might think I am "ok." For those who are friends, might think I have some issues, but my only problem is about how often change my mood. Those how are close friends know that I have loneliness issues. But no one of them really know what is this about, I mean, I am able to go through almost any kind of problem and find out a solution. No one knew loneliness is the only problem I can not go through alone. This is not about I want my friends closer and closer. This is about spending time with someone who thinks I am different, I am important, and I am special on a certain way.

Now, I want to cry, and go as far away as I could. I think if I am alone, I can be alone without feeling loneliness, but being alone around my friends and people I know I really feel loneliness on its worse. I was looking for a girlfriend just beacuase I did not want to feel loneliness. I asked a couple of girls that I might feel atracted to, but all of them said no. Everyone had her own reason. They might feel disapointed reading this. They might thought I feel inlove while I just wanted to fill an emptiness. Each one of them has her importance. I did not want to break a heart, I do not think I did. Every one had a different reason: "you are too old" "my family does not want me to have boyfriend yet" "I have a crush on someone else" "we are friends" "you have a son".

I respect their reasons, but sometimes I wanted to punesh them breaking friendship. I realize I could not break our friendship because I never loved them more than just friends, so that will not be fair. I am a fair person, I guess. If this post break hearts or friendships, or It disappoint someone, I understand, but I will not have regrets. I love each one of them as a friend. I am willing to love someone more than just friends, and this is how my story ends.

Nobody

I AM ALRIGHT BEING ALONE!

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End of the post.

Read It Carefully

I never thought someone would break my heart, but I never met this kind of person who just do anything but damage to every people around. No one knows this person as I do. This guy is really an evil, but people around him cannot see him deep inside. I do not even know how he would react on any situation. He is a beast. He is not willing to hurt, but he does because that is the only think he know to do. He pays too much attention on examples, but his cannot copy the goodness, he can copy only the evilness. He is always looking for someone to hurt, but he says he is looking for his soul-mate. Thanks God he can hurt too many people since he is alone the most of the time. He does not want to be alone, but that the only thing he deserves. He is killing himself. He wants to care about people, and he is the greatest actor. For him, there is nothing else that "if someone is around it is ok, if not, hi will not miss this one."

No body know him. No body should love him. No body should care of him. No body should clean his tears. No body should pay attention to him. No body should trust on him. He does not deserve any goodness from anybody at all.

I will tell you his name, and I recommend you to go away from him, not to love him, not to care of him, not to clean his crocodile tears because he will hurt you every time he has the opportunity. I know so many people who can support this thesis, or should I say this "theory"?

Reasons why not to care about him: Alcoholic, Smoker, Lascivious, Careless, Friendless, Loveless, Cold hearted, Frighten, Valueless.

I know him for so long time, and I do not even know him very well. You just get away from him, or at least, do not get close enough, so he will not able to hurt you. He is... he is... nothing else than ME.