Nobody

I am nobody. I just come and go. I want to stop, but there is no one. Why should I stop then? There is no reason. I have to keep going, I need to keep going. I cannot. I just cannot. I am nobody. I tried to break it apart. I tried to throw it down. I tried to  run away. Nothing seems to work. I am nobody. I tried so many ways to leave you. I am broken. I broke myself. I am trying to put away this fad. I am nobody. I am tired. I would like to give up. I am not that tough. I am not powerful at all. I am not even me. I am nobody. I cannot break down. I am a rock. I cannot even let a tear go. I am a sponge. I am drown. Tears have drowned me from inside to outside, but they do not come out. I am nobody. There is not a single person around me. There are just people. If I am absent, they do not care. If I am present, they care even less. I am nobody.

Loneliness effect

There are many people around, some are good friends, some are just people I know. People who are not close to me might think I am "ok." For those who are friends, might think I have some issues, but my only problem is about how often change my mood. Those how are close friends know that I have loneliness issues. But no one of them really know what is this about, I mean, I am able to go through almost any kind of problem and find out a solution. No one knew loneliness is the only problem I can not go through alone. This is not about I want my friends closer and closer. This is about spending time with someone who thinks I am different, I am important, and I am special on a certain way.

Now, I want to cry, and go as far away as I could. I think if I am alone, I can be alone without feeling loneliness, but being alone around my friends and people I know I really feel loneliness on its worse. I was looking for a girlfriend just beacuase I did not want to feel loneliness. I asked a couple of girls that I might feel atracted to, but all of them said no. Everyone had her own reason. They might feel disapointed reading this. They might thought I feel inlove while I just wanted to fill an emptiness. Each one of them has her importance. I did not want to break a heart, I do not think I did. Every one had a different reason: "you are too old" "my family does not want me to have boyfriend yet" "I have a crush on someone else" "we are friends" "you have a son".

I respect their reasons, but sometimes I wanted to punesh them breaking friendship. I realize I could not break our friendship because I never loved them more than just friends, so that will not be fair. I am a fair person, I guess. If this post break hearts or friendships, or It disappoint someone, I understand, but I will not have regrets. I love each one of them as a friend. I am willing to love someone more than just friends, and this is how my story ends.